Don't Ignore Us

(© Grace Lee, www.cutecolors.com)

There are times, like tonight, that I find myself sinking into the 'what ifs' of the future when it comes to Master J. It can happen at the strangest of moments. Tonight it was during an episode of Ghost Whisperer, when Jennifer Love Hewitt is helping an autistic man cross over. I won't get into the nitty-gritty of whether I believe in that sort of thing, but the show is good escapism and the endings are always happy, which makes it more satisfying than a lot of the drivel on TV these days :)

The future does scare me. Probably more than anything else I've faced as a parent. We are blessed to have been given such a joy and a challenge, and that J, despite his limitations, is high-functioning, but I still worry. I'll never stop worrying.

Tonight was just 'one of those nights'. I'm such a sap when it comes to these types of stories, even the fictional ones, LOL. I cry over the Chicken Soup stories. I've bawled over most of the stories in the 'Blessings' section (see left sidebar). It's part of who I am, but also, it often hits me right at my core because of our experiences with Master J. If you haven't yet read the link to "Shay", honestly, take 2 minutes to look it over. I still can't read that one without a tear or two.

Master J will be quite the strapping young lad as a teenager - tall, blonde and good looking - and it actually physically pains me to think about the life experience he will miss out on. Oh, in this enlightened age you'll hear people talk about the 'acceptance' people with disabilities have now. Well, perhaps - but only to a degree. In J's case it will likely stop short when it comes to meaningful relationships with girls, or the act of living outside of the home. There are always exceptions to the rule of course, and the nature of autism is that the next kid will have a completely different experience with disability to my son. There is no 'one size fits all' approach. What works for one kid may not work for the next. So when you hear a story about your neighbour's cousin's boy living independently with autism, please remember that as a spectrum disorder, autism presents in a million different ways from one kid to the next. Results will vary.

I've had such horribly insensitive references made to me in regards to J's disability. One memorable time, not long after J was diagnosed, a woman commented "Well at least he'll be able to count really well!" I really struggle with this kind of attitude because most people outside of the autism circle tend to think of autism in one way - Rainman. I can't fault them, because I was exactly the same before I had cause to know any better. But when this ignorant woman opened her mouth and spouted faux-wisdom like she knew all about the condition because - gasp! - she'd watched a movie one time, I came about as close as I've ever come (and am ever likely to!) to getting all Jerry Springer on her behind. My 'Mummy shackles' went right up and it was game on. Thankfully, divine intervention saw my brain go numb for the ten seconds it took for her to make her blissfully-unaware goodbyes and she was gone before the retort made it to the surface. If I hadn't been so shocked into silence I may have been very unfair to someone who probably didn't even realise how very insensitive a comment like that would have been to a stressed-out mother. So, someone was probably looking out for me that day too :)

But please, if you're ever in a situation and your own Mummy Radar picks up on something that 'isn't quite right', be respectful. Don't look away (it's absolutely as bad as outright staring). Look the mother in the eye. Smile a little. Don't ignore the 'weird' child. Ask his name. Engage him in conversation as well as the mother. Don't hold back. If he's anything like my gorgeous boy, he'll be positively thrilled at the opportunity to meet someone new. Not all autistic kids are cold, non-responsive lumps of flesh. The vast majority are just beautiful souls, inside and out.

Be like the children at the baseball game in "Shay". Because stuff like that sticks in the hearts of us parents like you wouldn't believe. We'll remember these incidents for the rest of our lives. We'll be blessed by your kindness in immeasureable ways. It helps us slip over all the 'what ifs' of our journey and focus on the 'wows'.

(*sniff* - LOL)

Cheers,
Lizzie