In the real bricks-and-mortar versions of our lives, certain things are inevitable. A child will get sick the day before a birthday party. You'll put your keys on the roof of your car while you buckle in your preschooler and only discover your mistake when you've driven the 30 miles home. And generally speaking, your biggest recurring (and largely flexible) expense will be groceries. It's just a fact of life.
Once upon a million years ago, we had a preschooler, a toddler and a newborn, experienced a major career shift and a special needs diagnosis two days apart, and were surviving on two thirds of the income we're blessed with now. Despite this we still managed to save nearly $18,000 in the space of fourteen months, allowing us to plunk down a hefty deposit on our first home. It had been a dream since childhood, and we were thrilled.
We were very careful with our money during this time. There was perhaps $5 play money each per week and that was about it. We were on a $150 per week grocery budget (don't faint - that was Aussie prices, included all paper products and over the counter medications, and we were feeding five. I would LOVE to still be spending this much!) and managed quite well. We just didn't allow ourselves many 'extras'. Was it worth it? Without a shadow of a doubt! We had a very clear goal in mind and though it was tough not to take a holiday, or to watch our friends buy new and exciting things, by the time we handed over that deposit cheque, we couldn't wipe the smiles off our faces.
Moving in to our new home was terribly exciting. We had rented for 8 years, feeling like we were merely 'playing house', and now we finally felt like grown ups! Talented Hubby's family had moved quite frequently when he was younger, as had mine, but my family had also had to endure several prolonged periods of 'forced frugality' - times when there was simply no money to stretch. I watched as my school friends went on the excursions while I stayed behind, I always took a packed lunch and once, my older brother and his girlfriend had to buy me a pair of shoes. Despite this, we were lucky. We lived on a small acreage which provided oodles of (free) entertainment in the form of fort-building, willow branch-weaving and creek-paddling. When we had a little extra money, we did things like rent a car and travel to the city (our old bomb would never have made the journey). We had no set plan for when we got there - the car trip alone was enough of a treat for us. Or we would host a Christmas meal for the extended family and just soak up life. It was a great childhood.
Years later, as I started a family and got married (don't look too closely at the math there, LOL) I became aware that I wanted two things for my family more than anything else in the world.
I wanted to know I always had enough money to send the kids on every (reasonable) excursion or performance at their schools, and I wanted roots. If spending money on the 'extra' events at school seems like a trivial thing to strive for, you have to remember that it goes far beyond the money spent. It's the security in knowing that you can spend money on those things, even if you choose, for whatever reason, not to. I did not live with that security as a child. I was terrified to ask my parents for money for casual days or the school canteen, and I dreaded another excursion notice coming home because quite often I already knew the answer - and I knew how much it pained my parents to have to say no to us kids. Don't get me wrong, we still say no to some school-related things our kids ask for these days - but it was always important for me to have the option of saying yes, without having to worry about whether we could afford to.
I also think that being in a constant state of financial insecurity as a child impacted my early money decisions as an adult - at one stage I was receiving a student allowance which was the most money I'd ever had through my hands at once, and I spent it very, very foolishly. In retrospect, I was deep into the 'feast or famine' ethos of money management - and that's a scary place to be.
Thankfully, I soon found myself attached to a man with extremely sound financial grounding - otherwise things could have gotten a lot, lot worse.
Look out for Part 2 tomorrow
1 comments:
I always dreaded bringing home an excursion notice, or even a notice requesting that I bring something to school such as a square of fabric for sewing class, because this would start my dadoff with the old story of how in Germany when he was at school education was free, extras were included and provided by the school, if the school wanted me to visit the "old gum tree" or the zoo etc, they should pay for it. Eventually I stopped taking notices home and just went to school on the excursion day and spent time in another class. He never once paid school fees or paid for books. Because of this I made sure my kids had their school fees paid and book lists were saved for and paid in full the week before school started. They had uniforms too. They weren't going through what I had to, that is start on the first day with no books and have the teachers scrounge up spare copies for me and hand me a spare exercise book and pencils. I was never taught anything about money or budgeting, not even saving. I learned these for myself as time went on. Naturally I had no idea how to teach any of tis to my kids either, but they mostly got the message by being with me while shopping, watching me save spare change for treats, putting aside certain amounts towards utility payments, they took particular notice of lay-by payments and use this system themselves now for expensive items and christmas gifts.
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