Last week Boofah Boy and I were walking home from school and he said something that made me think 'uh oh'."I'm not being mean Mum and this is probably not a very nice thing to say..."
(at this point I'm wondering exactly what indiscretion he's performed)
"...but, well, Sam* is a bit..."
(his voice lowers for dramatic effect)
"...fat."
Hmmm. Of course the first thing I did was to explain why that word might hurt people's feelings. We talked about that a little more on the way home.
Later, when we revisited the subject in front of Daddy, we delved a little deeper.
"Sweetie, when I was a little girl, I used to read so much that the other kids used to call me Smarty Pants. It didn't make me feel very good."
"Like me Mum?" Our little man has been identified as gifted and skipped a grade this year. Most of the kids in his class are between 6 and 12 months older - and he was already the shortest in his classroom last year. This year he's a full head smaller than anyone else.
"Like you. I know you were just using that word like you would if you called someone tall, or small, but I think if someone said that word to Sam he'd probably get really sad."
"Is it a naughty word?" We banned the word 'stupid' for similar reasons.
"No, not a naughty word, but it can make someone feel self-concious to hear it. Do you know what self-concious means?"
"I'm not sure."
"When you are self-concious about something, it means that that thing would probably make you feel really upset if someone mentioned it to you."
My strong little man sat there and pondered that thought for a moment, connecting the dots in his head.
"So Sam would probably feel shelf-donctius the same way that I feel shelf-donctius being the smallest in my class?"
"Exactly."
And so Boofah walked away having reached a really important conclusion all by himself. It was one of those lovely parenting moments when you've laid out a nice set of logical mental pictures for them and they actually get it.
I wish it was this easy re Santa and the Easter Bunny. We're on borrowed time - he's already keeping the secret of the Tooth Fairy for his older brother and younger sister (*smile*).
Cheers,
Lizzie
* Name has been changed.
3 comments:
Hey Lizzie, Great approach! I tend to over-react when my ds6 says something like that and snap / bark at him, and then the opportunity to teach is lost. Need to slow it down and think about what I am going to say and why.
Boofah's a unique soul. The giftedness definitely influences how he reacts (sometimes OVER-reacts) to situations and he is quite 'old' for his age (he's 6.5) in the way he thinks about things. I'd expect a thoughtful reaction like this from him (with some help from mum and dad of course) but not so much from my older son (now 8) and daughter (5).
For every one of these little parenting moments that WORK, there are another 10 that don't turn out so smoothly, LOL.
Cheers,
Lizzie
What a great conversation!
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