I must be getting older. Either that, or kids these days are getting ruder.
On the bus on the way to the library today I (as well as ten or so other passengers) were captive audience members to two teenage girls sitting (naturally) in the back row. Over the course of the 20-minute ride, we were subjected to various intimate details about these girls' lives, including their 'usual' behaviour when drunk (they have a 'usual'???), their sexual preferences and their law-breaking attitude. These girls could'n't have been more than 15 years old.
At 15, I was a pretty tame sort of gal. I had a boyfriend (a very, very platonic boyfriend!) and had a weird kind of elevated social standing with my classmates because I'd managed to 'secure' him for more than the couple of weeks (or even days). Nobody ever asked me to my face but it was obvious that it was assumed we'd been intimate. And we hadn't, of course. But I was thinking back to what I was like during that time and comparing it to the antics I was hearing from the two girls on the bus, and was shocked.
I was where they are only twelve years ago. Have things changed so much in the last decade that kids are doing things that really, they shouldn't even be thinking about doing until they're much, much older? Have I mophed into some weird prudish twenty-something? LOL.
It scares me sometimes, the whole 'kids do the darndest things these days' aspect of it all. I was kept in line by my parents, and power to them. Peer groups were important then just as they are now, but nowadays the Peer is King. It's sad to see such disrespect to parents and other elders. Teenagers toe the party line because they're motivated by fear - fear that their social circle will 'out' them. That motivation seems a lot stronger these days than I ever remember it being when I was in high school. These days nobody wants to be 'the last virgin standing'.
My husband works in an industry where he sees a lot of this kind of thing - kids going off the rails. Young girls are getting pregnant because of lack of parental guidance and sometimes, on purpose. In Australia, the government gives a lump sum of over $4,000 for each new baby born. Some girls who were already in a vulnerable category saw it as an 'easy' way to get 'free money', and many of them got pregnant on purpose. It is only this year (effective from July 1) that restrictions on when that money could be paid was placed on teenagers under the age of 17 (beforehand, and for anyone else over the age of 17 now, the money is paid in a lump sum, but the new policy sees the money paid in 13 fortnightly installments for the under-17s).
This is all well and good - to a point. Seventeen is still so young to become a mother. There's no magical barrier one reaches at 17 that makes handling the lump sum easier. You're not a better mother due simply to the addition of an extra year. And consider this: the legal age of marriage in Australia is 18 (if one or both partners are under the age of 18 then both parental and a magistrate's permission must be given). If you're not legally allowed to vote, drink (drinking age is 18 here) or marry, then serious issues arise from the notion of an under-17 pregnancy that simply spreading the payments out is not going to address.
I'm out and about a lot in my day to day errands. One shopping centre in particular is a magnet for certain 'elements' that perfectly exemplify the point I'm trying to make. I'm sick of seeing young girls wheeling strollers about. I want to try to shake some sense into them. And its not uncommon for these girls, having had one child and received the payment, to decide to have another child close on its heels to get another payment. Hubs has told me many, many stories of homes where the children are bedraggled and not cared for properly but the loungeroom is decked out in the latest flat-screen. The sadness in that can be overwhelming.
The irony is, of course, that I myself had my kids young. And for the first two, we were unmarried. Master J was born when I was just 19. Hubs and I had lived together for 6 months and bam, suddenly I was pregnant. But never once have I regretted the way our own situation has played out. It sounds rather trite now, but we were 'all but' married from the moment we decided to move in together and neither of us considered the absense of the certificate to mean the relationship was any less than a proxy marriage. We went on to have two more children with the last, Miss Moo, being conceived and born after we were married in 2001. So why should I feel so strongly about the 'young mothers' issue?
Because during this period, no matter how committed we felt to each other, it was not marriage.
I've always felt the social sting of admitting that I was/am a young mum. For the first few years and even occasionally now, I feel it necessary to offer justification for why I was 'done' having kids at age 22. The other mums at playgroup were in their late twenties to early thirties. At our first antenatal classes with Master J, we were the youngest couple there by over ten years. Even now, when I make friends with the parents of the children in my kids' classes, they're likely to be 7-10 years older. We bucked the trend (in terms of having kids young AND being in a stable long term relationship) well and truly. The social security system back then was a lot different (some areas of SS don't have the same stigma as they do in the States - most families recieve something, based on their income, to contribute to the cost of raising the children - even those earning $60k a year get a little something, though admittedly its a lot less than those who earn $30k), but we did the hard yards. But we were committed. To each other, to the kids.
As I've grown older, I've come to a place where, if I had my time over again, there'd be things I'd change. I'd have married before starting a family for a start. This comes into play especially when I look at Miss Moo now and try to imagine a simple, but fulfilling life of waiting until marriage for all the 'good stuff' :) I really do hope that she waits. She's five, so her whole life revolves around 'playing mummy' at the moment. The kids know that Mum and Dad were a team from day dot, not necessarily from the wedding but from the moment we met. And while it was one way for us, we are teaching them that we do not want them to follow in our specific footsteps on that score.
But the way the world is going at the moment? All I want to do is shield my kids and move to the country. Hubs and I talked about this the other night. He could be transfered anywhere in our state should he choose to put his hand up. But our hands are tied (and probably will be for the long term) because of the services we need for Master J - we currently live in the suburbs of my state's capital and if we moved to the country he would suffer.
Still, I do envy those that live in small towns. Pity there's not a 'Stars Hollow' with world-class disability facillities within a three hour drive!
Cheers
Lizzie
On the bus on the way to the library today I (as well as ten or so other passengers) were captive audience members to two teenage girls sitting (naturally) in the back row. Over the course of the 20-minute ride, we were subjected to various intimate details about these girls' lives, including their 'usual' behaviour when drunk (they have a 'usual'???), their sexual preferences and their law-breaking attitude. These girls could'n't have been more than 15 years old.
At 15, I was a pretty tame sort of gal. I had a boyfriend (a very, very platonic boyfriend!) and had a weird kind of elevated social standing with my classmates because I'd managed to 'secure' him for more than the couple of weeks (or even days). Nobody ever asked me to my face but it was obvious that it was assumed we'd been intimate. And we hadn't, of course. But I was thinking back to what I was like during that time and comparing it to the antics I was hearing from the two girls on the bus, and was shocked.
I was where they are only twelve years ago. Have things changed so much in the last decade that kids are doing things that really, they shouldn't even be thinking about doing until they're much, much older? Have I mophed into some weird prudish twenty-something? LOL.
It scares me sometimes, the whole 'kids do the darndest things these days' aspect of it all. I was kept in line by my parents, and power to them. Peer groups were important then just as they are now, but nowadays the Peer is King. It's sad to see such disrespect to parents and other elders. Teenagers toe the party line because they're motivated by fear - fear that their social circle will 'out' them. That motivation seems a lot stronger these days than I ever remember it being when I was in high school. These days nobody wants to be 'the last virgin standing'.
My husband works in an industry where he sees a lot of this kind of thing - kids going off the rails. Young girls are getting pregnant because of lack of parental guidance and sometimes, on purpose. In Australia, the government gives a lump sum of over $4,000 for each new baby born. Some girls who were already in a vulnerable category saw it as an 'easy' way to get 'free money', and many of them got pregnant on purpose. It is only this year (effective from July 1) that restrictions on when that money could be paid was placed on teenagers under the age of 17 (beforehand, and for anyone else over the age of 17 now, the money is paid in a lump sum, but the new policy sees the money paid in 13 fortnightly installments for the under-17s).
This is all well and good - to a point. Seventeen is still so young to become a mother. There's no magical barrier one reaches at 17 that makes handling the lump sum easier. You're not a better mother due simply to the addition of an extra year. And consider this: the legal age of marriage in Australia is 18 (if one or both partners are under the age of 18 then both parental and a magistrate's permission must be given). If you're not legally allowed to vote, drink (drinking age is 18 here) or marry, then serious issues arise from the notion of an under-17 pregnancy that simply spreading the payments out is not going to address.
I'm out and about a lot in my day to day errands. One shopping centre in particular is a magnet for certain 'elements' that perfectly exemplify the point I'm trying to make. I'm sick of seeing young girls wheeling strollers about. I want to try to shake some sense into them. And its not uncommon for these girls, having had one child and received the payment, to decide to have another child close on its heels to get another payment. Hubs has told me many, many stories of homes where the children are bedraggled and not cared for properly but the loungeroom is decked out in the latest flat-screen. The sadness in that can be overwhelming.
The irony is, of course, that I myself had my kids young. And for the first two, we were unmarried. Master J was born when I was just 19. Hubs and I had lived together for 6 months and bam, suddenly I was pregnant. But never once have I regretted the way our own situation has played out. It sounds rather trite now, but we were 'all but' married from the moment we decided to move in together and neither of us considered the absense of the certificate to mean the relationship was any less than a proxy marriage. We went on to have two more children with the last, Miss Moo, being conceived and born after we were married in 2001. So why should I feel so strongly about the 'young mothers' issue?
Because during this period, no matter how committed we felt to each other, it was not marriage.
I've always felt the social sting of admitting that I was/am a young mum. For the first few years and even occasionally now, I feel it necessary to offer justification for why I was 'done' having kids at age 22. The other mums at playgroup were in their late twenties to early thirties. At our first antenatal classes with Master J, we were the youngest couple there by over ten years. Even now, when I make friends with the parents of the children in my kids' classes, they're likely to be 7-10 years older. We bucked the trend (in terms of having kids young AND being in a stable long term relationship) well and truly. The social security system back then was a lot different (some areas of SS don't have the same stigma as they do in the States - most families recieve something, based on their income, to contribute to the cost of raising the children - even those earning $60k a year get a little something, though admittedly its a lot less than those who earn $30k), but we did the hard yards. But we were committed. To each other, to the kids.
As I've grown older, I've come to a place where, if I had my time over again, there'd be things I'd change. I'd have married before starting a family for a start. This comes into play especially when I look at Miss Moo now and try to imagine a simple, but fulfilling life of waiting until marriage for all the 'good stuff' :) I really do hope that she waits. She's five, so her whole life revolves around 'playing mummy' at the moment. The kids know that Mum and Dad were a team from day dot, not necessarily from the wedding but from the moment we met. And while it was one way for us, we are teaching them that we do not want them to follow in our specific footsteps on that score.
But the way the world is going at the moment? All I want to do is shield my kids and move to the country. Hubs and I talked about this the other night. He could be transfered anywhere in our state should he choose to put his hand up. But our hands are tied (and probably will be for the long term) because of the services we need for Master J - we currently live in the suburbs of my state's capital and if we moved to the country he would suffer.
Still, I do envy those that live in small towns. Pity there's not a 'Stars Hollow' with world-class disability facillities within a three hour drive!
Cheers
Lizzie
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