The Mama Bear Files

In the first few months of Lizzie’s Home, way back in Autumn (Spring for you Northern Hemispherians!) 2007, I would post occasionally about the challenges we faced as special needs parents. As the blog took off, it continued to include a cacophony of random tidbits about the Lizzie’s Home family, but it’s focus morphed mainly toward my horrible ineffectiveness at homemaking (*smile*).

Without realising it, over time I began phasing out references to autism in my new posts. Master J is, of course, mentioned frequently and with much frustration and hilarity by his mother - but as for the emotional side of being an ‘autism mama’? I’ve kept things pretty close to my chest. It’s a coping mechanism, sure, but I think I stopped including the more obvious references because I didn’t want to be ‘the autism blogger’. As you will see, my attitude towards autism over the years has matured and now I do not necessarily believe I’d have been pigeon-holed back then, but subconciously, this was a real concern for me at the time.

Some of you may have noticed posts from 2007 referencing a four year advanced diploma writing course I was involved in. As brow-furrowing and downright hellish as that experience was at times, I learned an awful lot. In January of this year, I submitted my final assignment - a portfolio of pieces I’d written on the subject of autism, special needs and our experiences and challenges with J.

With much exhalation of breath and warranted celebration, that assignment was returned with the highest mark possible.

I have often thought about including some of those pieces here on Lizzie’s Home. This teeny blog of mine may be a drop in the ocean in Bloggityville but it represents most parts of who I am, what I’m interested in, what frustrates me, who I love - and yet somehow, with the omission of some of the more emotional pieces I’ve written, it feels slightly false somehow, like a half-truth. This boy of ours (who turned ten last Saturday, November 8th - good golly!) is as much as focus of our lives as all the other ‘trivial’ stuff - clearly more so. I am not the best writer in the world. In fact, as the Greats go, I’m like the speck of dirt on Dickens’ boot. Just adding that as a disclaimer in case you’re expecting literary brilliance, LOL.

I keep it light here for a reason. This will sound all dramatic (it’s really not, LOL) but one day this blog will be read by my children, as a record of our days in different seasons of life. I would never want it thought by J - or anyone for that matter - that an absence of ‘autism talk’ meant we were ashamed. Truthfully, it has more to do with autism remaining in the background these days, rather than the “front and centre” spot it occupied in the early years after diagnosis. I used to spell autism with a capital “A”. I stopped doing that years ago :) Life can still be incredibly frustrating and I have regular moments where I’m heartsore for J’s future, but I adore this bundle of firecrackers I was given and no, I don’t think I would change things if given the chance.
So, if you will indulge me, I thought I would set up a new page here on Lizzie’s Home. You can access it in the navbar above and it will be eventually filled with our experiences with special needs, as time and inspiration allows. It’s called The Mama Bear Files because quite frankly, I’ve had to get all Scary Advocate Mama on more occasions than I could count. I cannot guarantee it will remain a permanent fixture, but I do hope that it helps others in some way while it is up. I also can’t say how often it will be updated, LOL. I go with my heart on these pieces and if things are going along sort of ‘vanilla’, then life is grand and I see no need to stress about the “what ifs” :)