Pay It Forward

Have you ever been presented with the opportunity to do a good deed but been unsure if it will be taken in the spirit in which it is intended? I believe we're presented with opportunities to 'pay it forward' all the time, some so subtle we often overlook them, but others so blaringly obvious that you get an instant urge to go and act on your impulse to help. Today was one of those days.

I was dropping my daughter off in her classroom this morning, doing the usual 'settling in' routines like putting away her folder, getting her started on her morning reading activity, and so on. This morning I sent money in for an performance our school is putting on for the kids - $5. I had just handed the teacher our payment and a little girl whom I often help in the mornings (she's the only one who has ever referred to me by my first name, and not just 'Miss Moo's Mum', LOL) mentioned that she wasn't going. Now, occasionally parents opt out of the performances and excursions for reasons other than money, so I didn't think much of it at first, but then she said "I really want to go, but I'm not going".

Now, I can't tell anything at all about her family situation because I'm not friends with her mother. She doesn't appear to be in the needy category. Our school is very much a middle class school - we live in a good neighbourhood. I know that doesn't preclude someone from financial stress, but just as a comparison, our old house was smack in the middle of a lower-socio-economic group and there was a different feel to how the school was run, especially in regards to making all the performances and excursions affordable. At the old school there was a larger percentage of kids who's parents had to 'pick and choose' which extras to allow their kids to participate in. Our current school, while still very respectful of all of that, is very large - the largest primary school in my state, actually - and I guess given the 'comfortable' postcode, it may be easier to let some kids fall through the cracks.

So my thoughts were this: Immediately after I spoke to the girl, I had the urge to go and pay for her to see the performance, anonymously of course. I used to know a double-income family who always paid twice for any excursion or extras their kids brought home notices for, in order that the second payment would go toward someone who really couldn't afford to do it. I used to think that was just lovely. I remember when I was in primary school there were plenty of times I had to go and spend the day with another classroom while my classroom went out for the day, because my parents often didn't have a lot of money to spread beyond the basics. So I know what it is like.

If I'd had the money on me I would have gone right to the front office and done it, but I didn't. And as I've pottered around all day, I keep thinking of the 'what ifs'.

How do I figure out if the girl has actual financial need or whether her parents just prefer that she not attend? It happens, and I certainly don't want to step on any toes.
What if there wasn't an easy way to ensure an anonymous payment would go toward this particular little girl? The easiest way to ensure that it would, would be to talk directly with our classroom teacher, but I certainly don't want the attention that might bring. I'm not doing it for the recognition. Plus, I might be pooh-poohed. It's a pretty delicate situation, with lots of potention for offending someone.

I'm wondering whether I might do a bit of 'fishing' - engage this little girl in conversation tomorrow morning. But kids are often not privy to all the information so that's slightly less ideal.

The other option I have is to speak to the school principal or deputy (I know the deputy well - he was the deputy at the other school I mentioned LOL) and ask whether there are some consistently left-out kids for things like this, and perhaps could I contribute, say, $20 toward four of them attending (hopefully one of which will be this little girl). I just don't want it to be a huge deal and I know that something like this is probably going to produce a bit of 'oh that's so wonderful!!!' - do you know what I mean? I can't do this for every performance or excursion, but its in my power to help with this one, and I want to.

Some thoughts to ponder...suggestions welcome by the way! Or maybe you could share an example of a similar situation you've been in and how you 'paid it forward' :)

** Edited to add: Oooh, I just had great idea, not thirty seconds after I hit 'publish post' (always happens, LOL) This would be a great opportunity to promote good values with the kids. I'll hold off talking to anyone at the school, but in the meantime bring up the idea with the kids. We'll talk about less fortunate kids (we've already touched on this whenever we've done a toy or clothes clean-out - they know their old stuff goes to kids who need it more than they do). I might suggest them earning some money toward this idea by doing minor household jobs, or giving up a little of their saved pocket money. If they're willing, it might be a good way to kill two birds with one stone, LOL. I get to act on my urge to help and the kids get something very, very valuable out of the experience. I'll stress the 'anonymous' part to them, but if I manage to see the deputy principle, might see if I can direct that money toward this little girl (obviously with my daughter in her class, the last thing I want is for Miss Moo to blab!) Then I might throw in some extra for good measure. Plus, there'll be a lot less 'oh wow' directed toward me! Now, just to get the kids on board....LOL ***

Cheers,
Lizzie